Holding On

Every parent told me it goes quick. In the first few months, in a constant hypnogogic state with bleeding nipples and a betrayal of a tummy that would not decrease, this seemed to have been proven patently incorrect. Now, in the past few months I am seeing my little guy - just 13 months today - grow up and as proud and happy as I am, part of me is clinging back.

When we started our nanny share with M and P and their son W, L would scream chills down my spine as I left and I would cry that I was leaving him in such a state. Hubby was also not strong, but we bore it. Then one day, barely a month into our nanny share, when L was still not a year old, he didn't cry. He went straight to W and began to play. That morning I cried because he didn't.

This morning, my son didn't want to nurse. Since I'm 5 weeks pregnant with Baby 2, I stopped pumping and dropped to nursing my son twice a day. I'm not ready to drop to once a day though. He jumped out of bed and wanted to play with his toys and crawl around. My milk has decreased since I got pregnant and he has looked at me questioningly during our recent nursing sessions, protesting the decrease.

I'll keep going till I can and I will miss it.

I suppose this too will go by quick. Cherishing every moment is a must.